When I was growing up, I wrote a lot in journals. My grandmother gave me my first diary when I was in elementary. Apparently, I am highly attached to what I write because I have all the journals that I’ve written in. You can clearly read and understand how I expressed myself in the habit of writing in my journal almost every day. I wrote with little judgment as to what others would think due to the fact that I kept my diary private of course.
I still do write in a journal, in a very physical diary of sorts to this day and I noticed this helps me a lot with my writing. I write song lyrics and I tend to notice that most of my song lyrics are very based on emotion, and when they are more based on logically thinking things out, they are less “potent” in what I am trying to express.
So I am starting this habit again because I fell out of it til recently – I was writing from a different approach for a while and it was killing the fun out of writing for me. I was to a degree trying to avoid emotional angles in writing that I overlooked how much my emotions play a role in the writing that I do, that I feel the most aligned to – even if it’s a song that I’m not too attached to.
Truth is… the songs I am most attached to now will come from the most difficult feelings I have faced within myself. The songs I am least attached to are songs that I don’t particularly feel any emotional connection to and this isn’t to say that those songs don’t matter to me but you will probably not find me too crazy about them.
So I often prefer to write alone – writing alone often makes me feel the safest in letting all my emotions out, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I do not particularly feel ashamed of them but they are often less daunting when I know that I’m the only one looking at them to work with them.
I grew up being shamed often when I cried so that’s something that still is a sore spot to me when it comes to crying and showing emotions to people I do not particularly feel 100% comfortable sharing my feelings with. It saves me the trouble of the possibility of having someone say something that makes me even want to roll my eyes. Let a girl live!
Yeah, I am sensitive, susceptible to the point where I still react very quickly. I have a better hold of responding better to judgment from others but I think if I can, it will save me the trouble of being nervous about judgment, because truth is, we will often be nervous about it, even in our most healed states.
So sure, I can write with others but I think writing alone and truly experiencing a moment to myself, alone with my thoughts and feelings can really do an impactful job at allowing me to write from the heart.
But first, we gotta get over that fear of being alone, with our thoughts and feelings, huh?